Children who grow up under coercive control are navigating two worlds — one built on fear, and one built on safety. And when they come home dysregulated, explosive, or even aggressive, it’s not because they’re “bad”… it’s because they’re surviving. What you’re seeing is control in the context of no control, just as Dr. Evan Stark describes. Your child is being controlled by the abuser — and simultaneously fearing that if they don’t align, they’ll face the same punishment, rejection, or contempt
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So what’s another way that a coercive controller might deceptively reframe a healthy boundary as “abuse” or “control”? Well let’s say she’s trying to address a problematic behavior, like substance abuse, failing to bring in an income or infidelity. He might reframe this as trying to “control his life” or that she “doesn’t trust him.” But addressing mutual agreements, mutual respect and mutual well-being is NOT coercive control! #boundaries #coercivecontroller #coercivecontrol | End Coercive Cont
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Therapy should help — but when a child is living under coercive control, therapy can sometimes do harm if the clinician doesn’t understand the dynamics at play. Many therapists are excellent. Many are not trained in coercive control. When a therapist unintentionally validates the abuser’s narrative, it increases confusion and injury for the child — and for you. Children need clear teaching about boundaries, agency, and healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Sometimes that means pausing therapy unt
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